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Leaving a Toxic Person Safely #anitacounsellingservice

Updated: Apr 17

Recognition that you are in a toxic, abusive and violent relationship with another person can cause emotional distress and fear. It may be your partner, your parent, your boss or a friend and you may have lived your life, experiencing toxic abuse, and blamed yourself.

After time this can impact on your sense of yourself. Your self-worth is limited, self-esteem is low, how you value yourself diminishes and you can loose your independence. You no longer can make your own decisions, trust your own gut feelings and question your own thoughts. Self doubt is always a part of your thought process and negative thinking becomes the dominant thought process, overriding positive thinking.

Whatever happens in this relationship will be your fault and you will take responsibility and blame yourself for the behaviour of the other person.

The relationship did not begin like it is now. You believed the other person truly cared for you, loved you, respected you and thought the world of you. It is a trick that manipulators use to wheel you in at first. They wear a mask to be the ideal person in your life and love bomb you by showing you with affection.

It is not your fault that they are very cunning, clever, deceptive and know exactly how to trap you.

After a period of time, the mask falls to reveal their true self, a user, an abuser, a narcissist, a controller, a psychopath who is intent on destroying you as a person.

The early signs are there, but you dismiss these red flags, because of the early nice person who really cares for you and you believe that they are what they say they are.

This is not your fault, yet, you will blame yourself.

Than the little things become more frequent. Who are you talking to? Where did you go? Why did you take so long? Always questioning what you are doing when they are not with you. The person takes control of your life. Controlling your social media, isolating you from your friends and family so that you become dependent on them.

Now they upscale the abuse and may hit you, as well as emotionally abusing you and repeated telling you that you are a slut, lazy, fat, and anything that you are vulnerable about, they will hurt you with.

It is difficult to feel strong enough to leave a relationship like this and you may feel ashamed to talk to those who love you about what you have been through. You will judge yourself harshly and be your own negative critic. Trapped in a cycle of abuse that makes you feel powerless, hopeless and helpless.

Leaving this relationship is dangerous. The majority of people killed who have experienced domestic abuse have tried to leave their partner. Protect yourself by seeking professional support from organisations such as citizen's advice, women's aid or your local authority. Seek out people who you can trust, your family and friends, who love you. Plan when is the best time for you to leave that is safe for you and inform those who are supporting you of your plan.

Make sure that you do this safely and loose all contact with the toxic person, you will never change them, and you are not responsible for what they do or say.

Relieve yourself from shame by surrounding yourself with people who truly love you and give yourself time to rebuild your own identity and self-worth.

You are a survivor not a victim, who is free to make your own choices.

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